Volume 5: Neil's Song

Exactly five years and eight months ago
At a wedding I was never invited to
I decided I was strong enough to let it go
And I didn't want anything to do with you

It had been so long I stopped keeping count
I had about a hundred thousand other things to do
But people were talking so I hung around
Curious enough to want to catch a glimpse of you

Dear Neil
Who knew
That I'd ever look at you the way that I do
That just looking at you could change my life
And make me wish that I could turn back the time

You're walking down the street holding your daddy's hand
He doesn't want to see me but it's too late
Wishing he'd crossed the street when he had the chance
'Cause I've only said 'hello' and he's turning away

You look at me with your big brown eyes
You've got curls like hers and a mouth like his
You smile at me and I'm not surprised
That it draws me right in like your daddy's did

Dear Neil
Who knew
That I'd ever look at you the way that I do
That just looking at you could change my life
And make me wish that I could turn back the time

Every time that I see her they'll be spite in my eyes
I know better but I'll never call it jealousy
And he knew it every time when he apologized
That he never loved her the way that he loved me

Yeah, I know we're all human and we make mistakes
And I've never been the kind to keep looking back
But you tell me it's your birthday and it's all it takes
I didn't think my walls would crash down like that

Dear Neil
Who knew
That I'd ever look at you the way that I do
That just looking at you could change my life
And make me wish that I could take back the time

He tugs on your hand, says 'come on'
You're walking away now, it's all gone
Your smile in my mind will shine on
My thoughts keep trying to hold on
Trying to hold on
Trying to hold on

If I'd only kept holding on

Dear Neil
If only I knew
That you'd make me look at you the way that I do
It's a mother's love that I can't describe
Because, Neil, you should have been mine

Dear Neil
You should have been mine

Volume 26: The Robin

I open my eyes to the sounds of the city.

Yawning, I unfurl my stiff fingers.

They are a little blue at the tips, but I am used to it by now.

We both are.

A breeze brushes swiftly past us,

Probably hurrying off to work, Starbucks in hand.

There is something different about the air this morning.

A small bird hops across the sidewalk;

It has ordinary grey-brown feathers but its chest in a bold shade of vermillion – a robin.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, the gentle voice of a kindergarten teacher tells me that a robin is the first sign of spring.

Just the sight of it chases away the bleak memories of winter.

I watch as the bird opens its wings and takes flight, carrying the heaviness of my heart away into the sky.

My smile fades when I notice that the small figure huddled beside me has, after a long, harsh winter, stopped shivering.