Volume 535: Pretty

I untwist the cap.
The thick liquid inside is the same colour as my skin.
The prettier parts of it, anyway.
I dip my brush in the paint and lift it to my face.
I don't need a mirror.
I know where the ugly marks are.

Stroke by stoke I cover up the marks.
I feel it weighing down on my skin.
I cover up the past.
It's like it never happened.
It never happened.

I tell myself it'll be okay.
I'll be okay.
They say that happy girls are the prettiest.
I look pretty now.
I can look happy now.

I look in the mirror just to make sure.
And it all falls apart.
I've missed a spot.
It glares at me, triumphant.
Everything falls apart.
Rivulets of tears spill from my eyes.
They tear apart all my careful brushstrokes.
They leave nothing but the raw marks that I tried so hard to hide.
They leave nothing but the past.

I tried so hard to hide it all.
I tried so hard to be happy.
I thought it was going to work for once.
Now I know why they teach doctors not to tell people they'll be okay.
I've betrayed myself.
And it's nothing I can cover with makeup.

Volume 2035: The Crowd

.
.
.
jump.
.
.
.
jump.
.
.
jump.
.
.
JUMP.
.
.
JUMP.
.
JUMP.
JUMP.
JUMP.
no!
JUMP.
JUMP.
JUMP!
wait!
JUMP!
JUMP! JUMP!
don't
JUMP! JUMP!
JUMP! JUMP!
listen
JUMP! JUMP!
JUMP! JUMP!
JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!
to
JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!
JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!
the
JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!
JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!
.
.
*gasp*
.
.
crowd.

Volume 20: Horizontal Lines

When Juliana was five years old
She liked to look at the big tree picture on the hallway wall
She liked the way it showed her mommy and her daddy
And her grandmas and grandpas
And aunts and uncles and cousins
She used to reach up as high as she could
And trace the black lines all the way downwards and sideways
Until
At the very bottom
Her fingers landed on her own picture
It hung at the end of an up-down line
Which came from the middle of a sideways line
That ran from her daddy's picture to her mommy's
She thought it looked like the letter T
She liked it

When Juliana was seven years old
Her aunt and her uncle got married and had a little baby
Her mommy and daddy hired a man to stand in front of the big tree on the hallway wall
He had a plate with lots of colours of paint on it
He drew a line called horizontal from Juliana's aunt to her uncle
Then he drew a line called vertical right down the middle of the horizontal one
And at the end of the line he drew a picture of the baby
Juliana wished the baby were bigger so she could show it the tree
She wondered if the baby would like all the lines
If its favourite would be the horizontal line between its mommy and daddy
Just like hers was
Juliana smiled at the tree
She liked it

When Juliana was nine years old
Her mommy and daddy started fighting
They fought at the dinner table
They fought in the car
They fought over everything
Every time they fought
Juliana would sit in the hallway
And look at the big tree
She would look at her favourite horizontal line
And sometimes
When the fighting was especially loud
The line would become a little bit blurry behind the tears in her eyes
It might have been her imagination
But every time it did
The fighting seemed to get less noisy
She wasn't sure if she liked it

When Juliana was eleven years old
Her mommy and daddy stopped fighting altogether
They started packing boxes instead
And they hired the painter man back
But this time his paint plate only had one colour on it
White
Like the wall behind the big tree in the hallway
So Juliana took her own little paintbrush
Dipped it in the white paint
And carefully traced the same horizontal line she'd traced with her finger
When she was five years old
But this time
It disappeared completely
And her picture was left to float all alone
In a sea of silent white
She didn't like it at all

Volume 64: The King's Lament

I swear
I don't believe in love
But you've never seen the way
They all watch her move
She glides across the black and white tiles
Back straight
Head high
Everyone in the room
Mesmerized

I swear
I don't believe in love
But the way she stood
By my side
Bathed in glowing white
I gave her the world
Just to watch her make it shine
She turned my kingdom
Into her ballroom

I swear
I don't believe in love
But my naivety
States otherwise
I gave her too much freedom
I let her dance too long
The knight that finally stopped her
Sadly
Wasn't mine

I swear
I don't believe in love
Were it not for the kingdom
I'd have bowed to grief
I'd have clothed myself in black
A white flag to the enemy
Instead I retreat to the shadows
To a throne painted black
And let my soldiers grieve for me

I swear
I don't believe in love
I seek vengeance
A cold dish
On a silver plate
But the lives of eight men
Are not sacrifice enough
For the single one
Of my late queen

I swore
I didn't believe in love
But I've come to know
Desperation
Towers falling one by one
A kingdom crumbling
On tiles stained red
Nothing's more vulnerable
Than a lonely king

Volume 99: Where Fire and Ice Collide

Blazing eyes, hearts race

Struggling to keep pace

Reckless girl, car chase

Standing on a cliff

Gentle eyes, pretty face

Waiting at a safer place

Careful girl in a thousand ways

Standing on a cliff

She makes mistakes or never learns

Taking risks and wrong turns

Touching flames, getting burned

Takes his breath away

She takes one step at a time

Always walks within the lines

Graceful, delicate, so divine

Takes his breath away

Stepping back toward the tide

Rocks crumbling off the side

A thrilling roller coaster ride

Irresistible

Lashes flutter, the softest sigh

The sweetest promise in her eyes

Caring whispers, by his side

Irresistible

Jealous, loyal, fiercest love
Always putting him above
Everything she's ever loved
Fighting for his heart

Sacrificial, devoted love

Always putting him above

Everything she's ever loved

Longing for his heart

Two completely different souls

Magnetic from opposite poles

Whose stars collide for a common goal

Standing on the cliff

Volume 24: Limited; Not Infinite

The sun is most beautiful
When it meets the mountains
And the rain feels instantly relieved
When it finally hits the ground
Because traveling the atmosphere forever
Would be more exhausting than anything

The airplanes who've seen everything
Would agree; there is nothing more beautiful
Than the thought of being lonely forever
Interrupted by snow-capped mountains
Reaching up to guide them to the ground
Followed by a sigh of relief

Evening stars smile, relieved,
At the first glimpse of dawn that brightens everything
When their light can no longer touch the ground
They find nothing more beautiful
Than being able to fade back to the mountains
And take a break from shining forever

I, too, often wonder how forever
Would feel, but my unexpected relief
Always come from the mountains
I climb over. It reminds me that everything
Is alive and in motion and beautiful
With every step that touches the ground

Walk with me, keep me on the ground
I could listen to your steady breaths forever
We'll keep pace with the natural beauty
Around us, exhale with relief
As we watch the mist settle over the mountains
Painting soft tranquility over everything

I've decided that I wouldn't want anything
More than to stand with you on the highest ground
At the peaks of the tallest mountains
It's a moment that needs not to last forever
Just long enough for us to realize, breathlessly relieved,
That one does not have to be infinite to be beautiful

The sun is most beautiful over the mountains
And the rain finds relief upon reaching the ground
Don't you agree that being forever together is better than anything?

Volume 6: Paper Ships

My love for you lies
At the top of the little hill
At the bottom of champagne bottles
Like paper ships

You were a sailor
And I was a little girl
Brought up on the docks
Watching the ships and the sea

Our eyes met and you tipped your hat
Offered me a glass
And showed me your paper ship
Sailing in a sparkling white sea

I was Ulysses
And you were a siren
You tugged on the thread
To let my sails flutter free
In captivity

I couldn't tell you why I felt that way
But my two likeliest suspects
Are your rugged half smile
Accompanied by this champagne

The tide rose and fell
Into our crystal flutes
We watched the sun set
On our paper ship
Through translucent glass

Everything becomes a series
Of silent scenes and time lapses
Full glasses to empty and back again
I don't remember falling in love

Am I in love?
Or have I just stumbled onto a paper ship
Destined to rock back and forth
On white bubbly froth

Every time I take a sip
The sea foam rises to meet my lips
And whenever I miss you
I reach for the bottle of sea and paper ships

I don't know if I can dive that deep
For the mere possibility of finding a pearl
Or a diamond ring
I can't decide if those deep blue eyes
Are worth nearly drowning

I remember watching you sail away
A train wreck on the sea
I can't bear to watch you leave me
But I can't tear my eyes away

The sunset looks less beautiful from the shore
I remind myself that ships look splendid
Docked on the pier
But I cannot be a sailor